the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
