hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
