So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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