so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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