I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
