i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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