I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
