You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I died a long time ago.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
