Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
