I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
