I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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