Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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