note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
