I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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