omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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