I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
