Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
