just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
