He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
