How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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