I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
