that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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