Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
