youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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