you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
