another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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