then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
