The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
