I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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