I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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