i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
