Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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