i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
