I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
