I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
