i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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