I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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