2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
