THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Of course I have a pirate flag
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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