My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
