i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
