He kissed a someone with a penis
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
