Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
