Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
