I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
