singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
