You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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