i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize