i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
