I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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