I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
