Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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