well you can't waste a boner
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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