Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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