Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
