I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
