My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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