Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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